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Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

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Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

Post by Foxer9 on Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:54 am

P E R S O N A
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[ NAME: ] Foxer Ninetailed
[ STREET NAME: ] XIII, (Thirteen)

[ AGE: ] 16
[ BIRTHDAY: ] Forgot (Goes by every newyears since escape)
[ GENDER: ] Male
[ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: ] Heterosexual
[ ETHNIC GROUP: ] Native american/mix
[ BIRTHPLACE: ] Trophaeum Tower
[ OCCUPATION: ] Delivery boy


S T O R M - R I D E R - I N F O
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[ RANK: ] B Class
[ ROAD: ] Wind road
[ SHADOW: ] Xerof
[ TEAM: ] Solo
[ AT DESCRIPTION: ] Jet black AT's with blue stripes and silver "XIII" on each of the AT's with two white wheels on each. The Bottom of the AT's are silver and they have straps that tighten to the leg, each strap raps around the calf of the leg its on.



W H O - I S - Y O U R - R I D E R - ?
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[ PERSONALITY: ] Seems cold but is loyal to friends, has strong sense of justice and is usually calm. But when pushed to the edge(which is not easy for most) will go into blood rage, this can also occur when someone "Connected deeply" to him is lost. Speed and height are usually two of the main things he truly wants, other than helping others.

He always wants to rise high above the clouds and swoop down at high speeds, thus giving way to his first trick that he learned "Fox's Pounce" a first step in trying to fly. He always searches for new ways get stronger, and learning new skills to fights. Is searching for riders to join showing even though he is cold and believes he himself is cursed, he still cares for them even though he tries not get to emotionally attached. Foxer always says the best way to train is to verse others, he learned this best when he and his brother trained together.
[ LIKES: ] Helping others: Can never walk away from some one in trouble, will jump in and help even if he doesn't know the tormented
high places and high speeds: Rising high above the ground and moving fast through crowds always felt amazing to him.
Dark places:Likes the Darkness and uses it to his advantages, prefers night and the Light of the full moon.
Meat:Prefers meat over most foods
Sweets: Actually has a sweet tooth for chocolate but doesn't like fruit candies.
[ DISLIKES: ] Veggies and fruits: Loves meat and vegetables never fit with his diet.
Those who hurt others: Will fight those who try and put others down.
[ MOTIVATIONS: ] Was trained to do so but continues for the Freedom
Lost Connections: Losing those close to him has left what he says a "Scar" on his feelings, making him be cold to others even though he he truly cares for them.
A Cursed Hero: Believes he is cursed to lose those close to him and is cursed with bad luck (Hence the name XIII) he believes if he finds his brother again this Curse would be lifted and the scar healed, until then he still searches to become more powerful in both speed and power to help as many as he can.
[ FEARS: ] Losing others :Ever since his brother disappeared, Foxer doesn't want to lose others close to him. Even though he has a usual cold demeanor he cares for all those close to him, if some one close is hurt or disappears Foxer's cold demeanor will disappear into a blind rage with tears in his eyes. Showing a pain that has not healed, he also fears getting to connected to someone hence trying to keep a emotional distance.


W H A T - D O - T H E Y - L O O K - L I K E - ?
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[ HEIGHT: ] 5'6"
[ WEIGHT: ] 150 lbs.
[ APPEARANCE: ] Has brown skin, silver spiky hair, blue eyes, and enlarged canines. Black trench coat with hood, blue baggy jeans,white mask that connects to hood with straps and Has Silver claw rings on each finger, and wears weights underneath jacket for training. Has scars all over chest along with a scar self cut into chest shaped like a Heart, thus resembling his "Scar" that was created when brother disappeared. Wears finger-less gloves on both hands and has weights on the wrists of the glove. Also has silver pocket watch in right pocket with chain hanging down, also has a silver cased flip phone kept in back pocket.

Character Appearance:
[ FACE CLAIM: ]


H I S T O R Y
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Spoiler:
The Beginning
Foxer and his brother were born into the Gravity children program, the mother dying in child labor and the father a donor so he is unknown. Since he came of age has trained diligently to become faster, stronger and to be able to reach higher heights, He always felt that being stuck on the inside was never what he wanted to do. Foxer always had the sense to be free and fly away. Hence why he had many comical attempts on trying to leave, knowing he'd probably get caught didn't stop him from trying it was all good fun.

A unhealable wound

Foxer always had fun especially with his brother, that was until his brother disappeared one time and Foxer couldn't find him. There was talk that his brother escaped or that he was taken to some place else but after that Foxer became cold only trusting those who actually show loyalty, the thought of his brother being taken away hurt him greatly but the thought of him being free made him want to feel the sun as well. So Foxer worked even harder to become stronger and soon he would get the chance to be free. This created a emotional wound or as he would call it a "Scar" in Foxer to never let those close to him get hurt or disappear and it also created hope for Foxer to escape as well. To always rember this pain and his brother carved a heart shape into his chest to represent this "Scar" that is inflicted on him.

Tourny
At the age of twelve Foxer was pitted against other the other Gravity children, in this Foxer excelled in speed and jumping although the control was not the greatest seeming some what animalistic. Foxer made it passed the tournament, his control just barely passing the requirements although wit and skill allowed him to make up for the control. He found some of the children actually some what trust worthy, making some connections with them. Because of these connections Foxer would find some as allies later on down when he finds the true purpose of the gravity children.

Escape
A 2 years later learning about the true purpose of the Gravity children program, Foxer and the other gravity children using their AT's to escape. After they finally escaped Foxer left on his own, he fended for him self fighting for scraps and making money on the side betting on races with other storm riders. Even though he did this he barley made any money and didn't stop him from contracting a sickness. The sickness would've killed him if a Man and his daughter didnt Find Foxer passed out in a alley way.

Family
A Few Weeks later Foxer awoke in the Man's house, his sickness gone. The Man explained what had happened to him and Foxer thanked and told him he would pay for the medicine and the Man's care. The man told him he didn't have to but Foxer insisted, The man had connections with a package delivery company. Foxer with his AT's allowed him to do the job in record times, and with that even though making a good amount of money still wouldnt be enough to have a place of his own. OS the man invited him to live in his house with him and his daughter. Foxer started to feel a "Connection" with the two, he actually started to feel happy like with his brother. The happiness would only last so long till one day when he gets back to the house the neighbors said the Man and the daughter were killed in a car accident earlier that monday morning after he left. When Foxer heard this the scar that was created when his brother left grew bigger, the next few days Foxer couldn't remember what happened. The only clue to what happened the past few days were dry tears on his face and new cuts and scars across his body, Foxer searched to find where he was what day it was. He saw that he had "Blacked out" for five days and now, it was friday..... Friday the 13th.

Rise to the Top
Foxer became even colder the next few years, still he trained wanting to shoot higher into the Sky and go faster than all others. Foxer wanted to be able to help others to move fast enough and be strong enough to do so that's when he learned about the Storm riders and the Regalia's. So Foxer set out,putting his skills to the test to become the best Storm rider and to reach greater heights and speeds. He now shooting to make his own team to make his dream come true dawning a white mask he goes by the name of the day he was awakened, Thirteen as a masked AT rider to attract the eyes AT riders nation wide and to choose those who will be willing to join him in his quest to become the greatest only hoping that he catches the eyes of all and become a hero and also to catch the eyes of the he truly wants to see again...his brother

The Rise

Soloing it mostly to B class Foxer has risen in ranks as the Mysterious Storm Rider XIII. Continuing his training he still searches to become the best and Catch the eyes of mighty Storm Riders.

S T A T S
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[ Air Trick Points ] (ATP) - 120
[ ACCELERATION ] - (+30)
[ FLEXIBILITY ] - (+16)
[ BRAKING ] - (+17)
[ CONTROL ] - (+17)
[ POWER ] - (+20)
[ JUMP ] - (+20)


T R I C K - L I S T
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[ The Fox's Pounce ] - Basic
[ DESCRIPTION: ] Accelerates at high speeds and jumps into the air and then dives down on his opponent slicing with the metal ring claws on his hands and then lands.

[ The Fox's Mighty Howl ] - Practitioner
[ DESCRIPTION: ] Revving the AT's in place the AT's wheels begin to make the sound of dog's growl, then when released wind around created a shock wave and Foxer shoots forward the wind howling loudly. The Shock wave allows for straight on attack and allows for a pulse of wind to knock down surrounding enemies.

[ The Wind of Tails ] - Advance
[ DESCRIPTION: ] Uses AT's to move at High speeds, the wheels moving fast enough to create a cushions of air. The wind coming off begin to materialize as fox tails, each tail created can allow Foxer to jump higher in the air and allow other riders to ride them for a limited amount of time.

[ The XIII's Curse ] - Advance
[ DESCRIPTION: ] Using The Fox's Mighty howl revving up in place but now has claws stabbed into ground, AT's revving at Max Speed and then Shoots forward. With claws out catches massive amount of air in claws and then close range claps hands together to send out a close range chock wave forward as sharp as a blade at enemy (Only occurs when Foxer goes into blind Rage)


Last edited by Foxer9 on Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:39 pm; edited 33 times in total
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Re: Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

Post by SUIREN on Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:51 am

Hello hello Fox! Let's get on with the review, shall we?

OVERALL GRAVITY CHILD REVIEW
Unfortunately, at the moment, I cannot consider your application for a Gravity Child. It does not meet the minimum requirements (i.e - word count, proper coding, etc.). Please don't be discouraged. When a Gravity Child application is in review they are graded harshly and must go beyond what we ask or expect of from the players. However, I will still continue my review and judge it as I would a Gravity Child.

PERSONA
Main Category - The "title", Persona, should be at the top of the application.

Coding - Please have a space after each sub-category (Ex.: Name, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Birthplace and occupation.) Also, please fix the coding for Sexual Orientation.

STORM RIDER INFO
Spacing - Please a space between the bracket and "Solo" in the Team section.

AT Description - Despite not having a required or specified word count please be more descriptive with it. And if you are not going to be adding an image and thus not going to use the spoiler then remove it from the application.

WHO IS YOUR RIDER?
Personality - You need to at least 200+ more words added to this. It should amount to two paragraphs or more.

Likes, Dislikes, & Fears - Please add explanations on why you like/dislike/fear those items.

Motivations - That's sort of a given, but is there anything else what would set your character apart from the others?

WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
Height & Weight - For the height please use the proper symbols: 5'6". And for the weight specify if it's in pounds (Ibs.) or kilograms (kg).

Appearance - Like the personality in the last section you're going to need to expand your looks. At least 100+ more words.

Picture - The picture needs to be placed inside the spoiler not in the Face Claim.

Face Claim - It seems that the picture is an "Original Character" and that's what you need to put into the sub-category unless it's a drawing of another character made by someone else.

HISTORY
Nice, sizable paragraph as history, but I would like you to separate it into the major events of his life. Like in the beginning - you said he was taken to the Tower then you go off to describe that he's continually trying to escape, his brother disappears, etc.

There's a few other problems with the history though. First off, I would like you to know that he has to be born "inside" the Tower, not taken in while he was young. They are genetically enhanced children, meaning that the scientists most likely started experimenting when you were just an egg/fetus in your mother's womb.

While we don't really mind players having siblings, pretty much all of the Gravity Children are single children. And even then, we're going to have to find someone to play your brother's role, given that we reserve a spot for him in the future.

Also, please make sure to include all the required events stated in the Gravity Children thread. You're missing the Tournament. And at the end please state the status of your parents so that we know which path you're taking.

TRICK LIST
Names - In the place of "Trick 1/2" please replace it with the name of your trick.

Effects - The tricks themselves will be judged by Jin.
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Here you go

Post by Foxer9 on Tue Jan 22, 2013 2:55 am

A edited and Fixed
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Re: Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

Post by JIN on Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:52 pm

Things you need to do for B Class:

    - Find yourself a shadow.
    - Change F Class to B Class.
    - Distribute a total of 120 stats instead of 50.
    - You may have 1 basic trick, 1 practitioner trick and 2 advanced tricks.
    - (OPTIONAL) Change the last bit of your history. You're a B Class storm rider, you're nearly at the top.


EDIT: Please remove 2 basic tricks.
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Re: Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

Post by SUIREN on Tue Jan 29, 2013 6:26 am

Sorry Fox but I'm going to have to De-Approve you. Jin missed a few things in your application that you needs to be fixed.

OVERALL GRAVITY CHILD REVIEW
Better. It's a lot closer than what you had previously. You still need to hit the word requirements on a couple of things as well as changing parts of your history since we have changed a couple of things in the Gravity Children basic information. These points will be further explained in another part of this review.

PERSONA
Age - I didn't catch this before, but you have to be 17 or older.

Birthday - I know he has forgotten but I would still like a date; whether it's just one he made himself or his real birth date.

STORM RIDER INFO
This section is good.

WHO IS YOUR RIDER?
Personality - You're still short on words. You currently have 164 words. You NEED to have 250 words or more.

Fears - I have only read and deduced that you only have one fear. Please add another one.

WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
Appearance - Like the personality in the last section you're going to need to expand your looks. Currently you're at 106 words. You NEED 150 or more words.

Face Claim - It's not supposed to be a link so please removed that code. And what we're asking is that you write out "Original Character" since the Face Claim you're using is of your own creation.

HISTORY
Alright Fox. Since Jin and I have lowered the amount of Gravity Children back to a one-digit number, we cannot allow you have a brother be one of the GC as that would mean we have to reserve a spot for him. And we decided we cannot do that since it will probably be very restricting for the player to follow two sets of history.

In short: please remove any content of your brother being a Gravity Child.

And as much as I hate to say this - your character would have never met his brother. You can say that he knows of him but they won't be able to have that connection you described in your history.

Also, the date they escaped was not 2 years after the tournament. It was about a few weeks to a month right after that they had made their escape. So please change that.

There's a also a little detail that doesn't correspond with the timeline - after the Gravity Children's escape, ATs were not yet released so you can't be racing against other Storm Riders right after you and the others leave Trophaeum Tower. ATs wouldn't have been released until a year after the Gravity Children have gone. And in present time, ATs have only been around for about 4 years.

TRICK LIST
They look good.
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Re: Foxer Ninetailed(Finished)

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